That title sounds so morbid, I know...but for me, dying isn't something I fear. Death never has been a cause for great consternation in my mind or soul. I mean, dead bodies and the death of someone I am close to upset me greatly and cause fear...paralyzing fear, but the death of myself is not something I am too terribly concerned with. However, there are a lot of things I want to accomplish, or at least attempt, before I kick the proverbial bucket.
To document this list, I am going to "try" to post one thing each week and why it is of utmost importance that I attempt my hand at a task. I stress, "try" because we all know how ADHD I am and how I become bored with some thoughts.
I had been superbly blessed by parents who bestowed upon me from an early age, the ability to do whatever I wanted to do. Honestly, I could not have had a better childhood. It was awesome, although a trip to Disney World would have made a major impact...but that will be saved for another post. What I am trying to express (and not very well) is that I am not afraid at trying new things. I never have been. I also have this drive when attempting new skills or experiences to excel with a superior level. I am accepting the fact that there is a perfectionist in me somewhere. Some...where. When I find it, I will let you know.
Some of the things on this list will never be fulfilled...I realize this...some of the thoughts are...well, just too far out there...but, if you lose the desire to dream, then I feel you lose the desire to live. I have a quest to fulfill therefore, I live life fully.
So, here it goes...the first thing on my list is....don't laugh.
I want to live at a silent monastery for a month, if not more. I think that would just be so cool...to never hear a spoken word. Getting to spend one's day in complete silence and repose would be such an invigorating and soothing experience...to study the crevices of one's mind and being peaceful in one's own skin. I would spend time in prayer and meditation. I would spend time in creative expression...gardening, animal care, sewing, crafting. Does the monastery that creates those heavenly fruit cakes do this? I would go there in a minute. I yearn to gain that place in my life where it is okay to be an introvert in an extroverted world. It's hard...it sucks. The general population of the world does not have a clue as to what it is like...so to be in the safe heaven of a sect that spends the course of their day in introversion would be the ultimate respite for me. A vacation from others trying to gain access into a place I allow no one, except for Him and him.
Please don't take offense if your are an "outty". Parallels are what makes this world go round...it's just that sometimes you drive me a bit insane. Why do you take it so personally? I understand your desire to be "heard" and to drain me of my mental and emotional resources...but come on...realize that I have my needs too.
THE NEED TO BE ALONE IN SILENCE.
I surmise that is why death does not bother me...when I die...no one will annoy me anymore. Don't get me wrong...I have no immediate plans of dying...I will go when I go...whenever My Maker decides that I have had enough...but still, it doesn't scare me. Does it scare you?
This is Home Girl and I am proud to be an "inny". Hear me roar...silently.
(The photo above is one of my favs. I love the shadow of the cross on the gravestone. It was taken at a very old graveyard in Olde Towne, Portsmouth, VA.)